Love, Hate and Something in Between
by Ladyrocks
Summary: Lauren Lewis had the perfect life: perfect job, perfect home, perfect wife. What she also had was a problem though, a secret nobody could ever know about. An obsession in black leather pants.


_This is something I have been working on for a long time, changed and altered a lot of times before I finally found its final direction. It ventures off into the darker corners of my imagination so if you're looking for nice and fluffy you're definitely wrong here, just so you know. I also feel the pleasant obligation to thank the wonderful TheLostFoodie for letting me bounce all of my ideas for this off of her and also for letting me look into her mind while she read it. So thank you, you're simply amazing. Anyway, enjoy this story everyone!_

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><p><strong>Love, Hate and Something in Between<strong>

Lauren Lewis had the perfect life. She was a stunning and successful defense attorney with a spotless reputation, had a marvelous apartment in midtown Manhattan overlooking Central Park, a beautiful wife to come home to and last, but certainly not least, enough money to last a lifetime. In short, she was living the dream of many, even that of her own younger self and sometimes it was even better than she had ever dreamt it to be back then. Those moments when her wife Nadia came back from her business trips and they would spend whole evenings taking a bath together until the water got cold, going out to some fancy restaurant and simply being in love like they had been since they met five years ago were the happiest of Lauren's life. Her wife was a famous photographer, constantly away for shootings in Paris, London or Monaco and Lauren worked day and night, all to ensure her clients had the best chances in court they could possibly have. Yet, they still found time for each other and they couldn't have been more in love. They always woke up cuddled into each other, limbs intertwined and Lauren would bend down for a soft yet intense kiss before she went to work, leaving her wife to sleep for just a bit longer.

They were perfect together, completing each other in every aspect and Lauren knew she would spend the rest of her days with the soft and beautiful brunette. Her life was a dream but it were the days when Nadia was away on a job that sometimes quickly turned into her worst nightmares. Because Lauren Lewis, the woman with the seemingly picture-perfect life, had a secret no one could ever know about. She knew it was her fault that she was in this situation to begin with but it was complicated, yet not at all at the same time. Nothing could ever explain her problem better than that problem's name. And that name was Ysabeau "Bo" Dennis, a devil in black leather pants who had waltzed into her life so long ago and changed everything forever.

...

Lauren had known the raven-haired beauty since law school but known didn't describe her feelings towards the woman nearly enough. They had both come to Yale Law School with a scholarship the same year and immediately ran into each other, quite literally actually. Lauren remembered that day like it was yesterday: Bo, talking to her friends, not watching where she was going and walking right into a very startled blonde whose books tumbled mercilessly to the floor. Instead of apologizing though, the brunette growled at Lauren for running into her. When Lauren hadn't said anything in response she took a good look at the slightly nerdy woman kneeling on the ground in front of her, obviously liking what she was seeing and then had the nerve to ask her out right that instant. Lauren had smiled humorlessly and, even though the woman in front her had a beauty about her that drew her in and made her insides tingle, shot her down while standing back up with her books in hand. "Of course not. Who do you think you are?" But that just made the brunette laugh out loud while she noticeably stood taller and even more impressive. "You'll soon be wishing you had taken me up on that offer. I'm Bo Dennis and you better remember that name, sweetheart." She had said, giving Lauren a cocky but also terribly sexy smile as she strutted away, her friends following like puppies.

It turned out that it had been only the first of numerous encounters as the two women became rivals for the absolute best grades in their year in a matter of months although they couldn't be more different. Lauren was light where Bo was dark, quiet and a bit nerdy where Bo was loud and proud, studious and a silent genius where the brunette was as much a party monster as one of those people who never seemed to study yet got only the best grades. On top of it all Bo was one of the most beautiful human beings Lauren had ever encountered by several margins of measurement, finding her despicable yet somehow intriguing at the same time. The skin-tight clothing, the devil-may-care attitude, the fire behind those dark and more often than not condescending eyes; there was just something about the brunette that pulled her in, even against her own will.

The blonde had never wanted an open rivalry but that's exactly what Bo Dennis forced on her until Lauren saw no other option but to stand her ground like she always had when challenged academically. More through the whispers of other students than themselves, the energy crackled whenever they were in the same lecture hall and the others sometimes seemed to just wait for them to be at each other's throats but that never happened. Looks and a few words here and there were the only thing exchanged for about a year until one day one of their Professors read a list of pairings for their next big assignment to the class. It had been quite loud in the room, students making their way to their new partners and getting acquainted but when the Professor said "Next pair, Miss Dennis and Miss Lewis. I expect only the best from you two." the room became deadly silent in all but a second, silent except for Bo Dennis' beautiful laugh from the last row.

They had their first meeting in the library that evening and Bo was not only half an hour late, she also came without any real excuse. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I got caught up with my friends." was all she said as she flopped down in the chair across from Lauren, leaning back in it like it was her couch at home. "Don't call me that." Was the only answer she got and it made her laugh softly again as her eyes shimmered with mischief, the blonde across from her wishing she wouldn't do that because it made her even more bewitching. "What would you like me to call you then?" Bo's eyes twinkling even brighter in the light while she let the hidden meaning sink in. She was intrigued. Lauren on the other hand was hell-bent on not giving the brunette the satisfaction of having gotten under her skin. "Lauren will do." She said curtly, only briefly looking up from her notes. "Very well.. _Lauren._" Bo drawled as she leaned forward onto her arms with a wicked smile, ample cleavage on full display, making Lauren's breath catch in her throat as she stared hard at her notes but didn't see a thing. Maybe she should have let the other woman keep calling her sweetheart. Her name rolling off those full red lips was something she was certain she would never get out of her mind again.

They continued meeting up in the library and Lauren quickly found that Bo was actually a very bright person. She knew before that she had to be because one didn't just get grades like that without being smart but Bo was downright a genius. As long as they were doing their assignment they got along well but whenever their conversation drifted off they were circling each other again. Sure, Bo was smart but she was also unbelievably cocky and full of herself, driving Lauren insane with an unexplainably strong urge to punch that trademark lopsided smirk right off her face while simultaneously making her stomach drop whenever Bo fixed her with one of her intense stares, seemingly seeing right into the blonde's soul.

Eventually, their growled arguments and the usual crowd the brunette seemed to attract wherever she went became too much for their working atmosphere so one night Bo suggested they move their work to her apartment to have some privacy. Lauren accepted, albeit reluctantly and only after consulting Crystal, her girlfriend at that time, about the matter. The bubbly blonde didn't see any problem in her girlfriend meeting Bo at her apartment, after all, she knew how much they seemed to despise each other. Lauren had the same opinion because, really, what was the worst that could happen? Probably that either of them would end in an unmarked grave near Bo's place because they finally achieved their goal of killing with a mere glance but that was most likely just Lauren's fondness of science fiction and horror movies speaking. Had she known what would happen that night and how it would affect her life, she would have never set foot in the spacious and expensively decorated apartment of Bo Dennis.

The brunette saw her look when she led her into her home and quickly explained "My parents died when I was very young and they left me a lot of money." Lauren was about to respond with the usual "I'm sorry for your loss" but Bo cut her off with an exasperated voice. "Save it, sweetheart. I don't need your pity." Somehow, she had just gone back to the pet name after their first meeting and Lauren, albeit reluctantly, let her. Then, like they always did, they went to work on their assignment as if nothing had happened before and for few hours they were a well-oiled machine, working perfectly together as they were on the same astronomic intellectual level. They sat there well into the night, not even realizing that it was getting very late until it became too dark to really see what they were doing. "Oh." Lauren said when she looked out the window, seeing the street lights from below glowing as the only light illuminating the dark room around them. "I better get going then." She stood to gather her things but Bo caught her by the arm before she really got anywhere. "I don't know where you live but I don't think it's a good idea for you to go walking there alone at this time of night." Her voice was the most sincere and friendly Lauren had heard it and it made her stop dead in her tracks. "What do you suggest I do then? Fly home?" She asked, her tone laced with sarcasm. Bo even chuckled, a dark and beautiful sound that rubbed Lauren the wrong way yet exactly right at the same time. "I'll drive you." She stated simply but Lauren tried to decline the offer. "No, it's fine." The brunette stood from the couch they had been sitting on, her posture full of her natural authority. She truly looked stunning in the dim lighting of the room, the light from outside reflecting off a few glass cabinets lining the wall and onto her face, giving it inhuman depth and expression. Her jaw set, she looked like the most beautiful marble statue, Lauren mused before catching herself just in time to hear Bo's response. "No, it's not. Either that or you're staying here tonight because I'm not letting you walk out that door alone. You see, I'm not the heartless bitch you seem to think I am." Her tone was back to the commanding and somehow condescending one Lauren knew so well. Bo definitely wasn't used to someone declining her will and it set the blonde off. "Well then I guess I'm staying here." She growled, defiantly crossing her arms in front of her and pushing her chin forward, trying in vain to stare the other woman down. "Oh really?" Bo asked, coming closer, invading Lauren's personal space and gazing into her eyes even more intensely than usual. In hindsight, their whole situation could had been avoided if Lauren had just had the resolve to not run headlong into this confrontation with the brunette. Bo would have driven her home, it would have been awkward and tense but nothing else. They could have simply gone back to resenting each other but no, here they were standing mere inches from each other trying to overpower the other's will.

"Really." Lauren said and Bo lifted her eyebrows in disbelief. "So you will stay here in _my _apartment just so you can prove you didn't accept my offer to drive you home? That's not like you, Lauren. You're too smart for that kind of behavior." She was right. Bo was hitting the nail on its head and all Lauren could think about was how that was pissing her off even more. She leaned even closer to the brunette, so close that she could feel warm breath on her face. She somehow couldn't seem to help herself when it came to Bo Dennis. "You don't know a thing about me." she whispered and suddenly her eyes were flickering back and forth between dark eyes and red lips as she felt Bo's breath hitting her in shorter and shorter intervals.

Lauren didn't even know who had made the first move that night, all she knew was that suddenly soft lips were on hers and strong arms around her back, pressing her closer to Bo and making her gasp, inhaling the brunette's intoxicating scent, like expensive leather and pomegranate. The blonde's own arms were squished between their bodies by their sudden movement so all she could think to do was wrap them around the other woman's neck, tangling her hands in dark tresses and effectively pulling a moan from Bo. Somewhere in the back of her mind Lauren knew that this was terribly wrong but she just couldn't bring herself to stop. The brunette tasted way too good on her lips and tongue, felt way too good under her fingers as she pressed her body impossibly closer to the beauty who was still holding her tightly by the waist. They kissed feverishly for a long time, tongues dueling and teeth clashing before Bo's hands started to wander. One slid lower to cup Lauren's ass, the other finding its way under the blonde's pale blue dress shirt. Fire seemed to emanate from wherever Bo touched her skin, making her melt into the slightly taller woman in a way she would have never even dared to dream of. Suddenly, Bo broke their fiery lip lock and pulled back just a bit, eyes sparkling with something Lauren couldn't fully place but from the intensity thought it must be overpowering lust. They just stared at each other for a moment, Lauren's hand slowly coming around to caress the contours of Bo's face until the brunette moved quickly and caught the tip of her index finger with her teeth, softly biting before soothing it with her tongue and releasing it again. The action mesmerized Lauren and so she kept her fingers there, slowly tracing the lips of the woman she knew she despised with all her heart and Bo let it happen willingly, her eyes fluttering at the soft yet so intense caress. Maybe, Lauren thought, this was what a lion tamer felt when he had his head in the great cat's mouth, one wrong movement, one sound and his life would end. Bo caught her fingers with her teeth a few more times, mostly gently but once wildly with sharp teeth, like she wanted to show Lauren what she was capable of when she stopped playing. It was exactly what the blonde felt in that moment where time seemed to stand still: like a lion tamer in front of the wildest lioness of them all, mesmerized by her presence, completely at her mercy.

It wasn't until Lauren found the resolve to stop her ministrations that Bo seemed to be able to refocus her eyes again, the hand under the blonde's dress shirt tightening its grip while the other moved upwards to slowly cup a strong jaw. This time, their eyes remained open as their mouths paused ever so shortly but then closed over each other again, staring deeply into the dark abyss they saw in each other's eyes. Somewhere deep down that was the moment Lauren thought they accepted their faith.

Bo turned, pulling the other woman with her and onto her lap as she sat back down on the leather couch. A breathy moan rang through the otherwise silent apartment when the brunette abandoned Lauren's mouth only to slowly but surely make her way down the side of her neck, her hand pushing the blonde's head back at the throat for better access. The other hand was by now under the front of the pale-blue dress shirt but the tight material kept Bo from better access so she pulled it out with an annoyed growl, beginning to undo button after button with great skill. Lauren whimpered, the mouth on her throat making its way lower and lower while her dress shirt was slowly pushed off her shoulders. In one quick motion she sat back just a bit, ridding herself of the offending material and flinging it across the room before pulling Bo's head back to the place it had been before. It felt heavenly because the brunette didn't rush, she took her time to nip and lick at every inch of skin but all the while she kept control of the situation. Lauren was on her lap because she wanted her to be there, Bo commanded her whimpers and soft cries with the way she touched her but at the same time it felt to Lauren like she was being worshipped by the brunette. It had never, ever felt this way with any other person she had been with, not even when she and Crystal were making love.

Suddenly, Lauren's eyes snapped open, staring at the ceiling that was almost lost in the shadows by now. She moaned loudly as Bo chose this exact moment to push her bra aside and take a hard nipple into her mouth. Quickly, she directed her head so she was looking down at the brunette again, using the hands still tangled in her hair to pull the beauty back up to face her. Bo released her nipple immediately, creating a wet popping sound that resonated through the room. "What?" She husked as she nipped harshly at Lauren's chin, her lips slightly swollen. Even in the dark room, or maybe especially because of that, she was a sight to behold and it almost made Lauren question if she really wanted to say her next words but eventually she found her voice and whispered "We can't. I.. I have a girlfriend." Her eyes were looking everywhere but at Bo now, fearing what would happen if she let herself sink back into this woman. To her surprise, the brunette stopped all her ministrations but kept Lauren pulled close to her. They sat there in silence for a few moments, the heat that had built between them never dissipating but rather enveloping them like a blanket. Lauren wished that Bo would say something already, something that would remind her how much she despised everything the woman said to her for a year now, something that would make her stop feeling like this would be the best night of her life but that something never came. Instead, the brunette asked, in a voice more sincere than Lauren had ever heard her speak "Do you want me to stop?"

The tone pulled Lauren's eyes to Bo's like a magnet and the unexplainable want and need to be with this woman, be under her, on top of her, _inside_ of her, consumed all of her senses even more than it had before. It was there, as palpable as the light of day, shining in Bo's eyes like someone had placed a mirror in front of Lauren. She was truly stunned silent, just staring at the brunette for so long that Bo added "Say the word and I will." in a somewhat comforting whisper although Lauren could clearly see in her expression as well as feel it in her grip that the other woman was barely holding on to a last piece of control. And so, without sane reason, Lauren slowly slid off Bo's lap to the side, only to pull the beautiful woman with her and on top of her as she lay down. "No." She said against red lips, swallowing the moan that followed as she let Bo claim her mouth again, this time with the force of a woman who knew she wouldn't be denied.

The next day Lauren awoke in a haze, wrapped in black silk sheets and another body, warm against her back, even breaths hitting the side of her face. Instinctively she nestled closer into the warmth of the naked woman who had her arms wrapped protectively around her, a smile forming on her face. It wasn't until she dreamily opened her eyes to a room that was very much not her own or Crystal's, but rather much larger with beautiful dark wood furniture and a thick white carpeted floor that she was suddenly fully awake. The shimmering raven locks falling over her shoulder from where her sleeping lover's head rested made the last pieces of doubt disappear. With the realization her memory of last night came flooding back, her writhing in ecstasy previously unknown to her as her lover worked tirelessly between her legs until she begged her to stop only so she could let herself be devoured in other ways. Lauren felt the arousal stirring again in her tired and sore limbs even though she despised the fact that Bo Dennis lay in bed behind her, holding her like she had forever staked her claim. She cursed herself for not being able to resist the bewitching brunette yet at the same time she knew she would be powerless to stop Bo should she try to take her again. And Again. Her thighs clenched together instinctively, trying to relieve some of the tension building between them, a tension that neither Crystal nor any of her previous lovers could create so easily.

As always, Bo showed incredibly bad timing as she chose this moment to slowly wake up, pressing even closer to Lauren and only making the blonde's situation worse in the process. A sloppy kiss was pressed to her neck from behind before Bo's still raspy voice practically growled in her ear "Good morning, sweetheart." Fire spread through Lauren at the tone but she closed her eyes, willing herself to resist. "I'm still not your sweetheart." She said with as much conviction as she could muster, trying to move away from the brunette but Bo wouldn't let her. Instead she turned her onto her back, letting one of her hands travel downwards until it was between the blonde's legs. Lauren's body jolted as if she had been electrocuted, trying to get away from the touch but at the same time trying to get closer. She moaned as Bo slowly teased her but refused to look into her searching brown eyes. "Really?" The brunette whispered against her lips as her fingers grew more insistent.

"Bo." Was her only answer as her fingers slowly slid inside the blonde and then "Bo..No..No." Lauren's expression was pained, fighting with herself. The brunette's fingers stilled before she slowly started to pull them out. "No?" She asked sincerely and suddenly Lauren's eyes were on hers again, fighting tears but then she insisted "Don't...don't stop." and reached her own hand up to pull Bo's lips fully to her own, pressing them together in a bruising kiss. The brunette followed her lover's request at once, pushing deep inside the blonde who soon lost the control to kiss her properly and instead started panting heavily into her mouth before she tightened deliciously around Bo's fingers and squeezed her eyes shut, a single tear escaping them as she screamed Bo's name in pleasure.

...

Crystal never found out that when her girlfriend was out late at night studying in one of the libraries she would sometimes only be there for so long before leaving to be picked up by a shiny yellow Camaro with black racing stripes along its hood, taking her off campus to the very same apartment and the very same bed Lauren continued to share with Bo Dennis at least once a month, depending on how often they could get away with it which wasn't all that often. Even when Lauren broke up with Crystal almost a year later because they had simply grown apart the bubbly blonde accepted the explanation with a sad but understanding nod. She still asked if there was someone else and Lauren adamantly shook her head, lying but not really because there really was no one else, there was just Bo Dennis. They were nowhere near being in love, they couldn't even stand each other or hold a decent conversation most of the time but when they were alone in Bo's bed they were one, devouring the other with animalistic hunger and, like a junkie who needed his fix, they couldn't find it in them to ever stop.

In her last year of law school Lauren tried dating Evony, a beautiful brunette who the blonde secretly though could satiate the hunger of what she had come to call the 'dark side' of her mind, hence maybe loosening Bo's hold on her. Sadly for her, even Evony's sometimes downright kinky proposals couldn't eradicate Lauren's completely irrational desire for Bo to whisk her away every so often and take her against every available surface in her apartment because nothing anyone could do ignited her flames like a simple look from the raven-haired beauty when it was just the two of them. As far as they knew, nobody ever found out about their little arrangement because technically, they weren't even having an affair so there were no obvious signs like smiles or looks directed at each other when they crossed paths during the day. In Lauren's mind an affair required love or at least a strong desire to be with someone you couldn't. Neither was the case with her and Bo. They could have been together had they really wanted to but neither of them did. Their situation was so messed up and they both seemed helpless to stop it, so helpless that Lauren started hating herself for her primal desire to have the brunette beauty claim her as truly her own and no one else's every so often. She kept repeating in her mind that she would just have to get through this last year and then she would become a defense attorney somewhere and Bo would be a prosecutor somewhere else, far away from each other and this crazy craving they couldn't explain or fight. So Lauren dragged herself through those last months, crying herself to sleep every time she ended up in Bo's canopy bed, wrapped in those black satin sheets. The brunette held her wordlessly in those moments, softly caressing up and down Lauren's back wrecking with heavy sobs where she had left red welts just hours prior.

Their graduation day was a relief and as Lauren cleared out her apartment a few days later, Bo Dennis showed up on her doorstep for the first time since they knew each other, knocking on the doorframe to make her presence known. "So this is where you live." She said with a sad smile, pausing. "I just want to say I'm sorry. For putting you through all this. I don't know what.." She tried to add, not looking Lauren in the eyes but the blonde waved her off. "Don't, Bo. We're both to blame for this.. situation." Bo had just nodded and walked away without so much as a last glance. In that moment Lauren had wholeheartedly believed she could finally be free of this woman and the compelling desire she felt for her, and she had been for a while. She had moved to New York City and built a name for herself as one of the best defense attorneys in the state. On one of her first days in the big city she had met Nadia through a colleague of hers and for Lauren it had been love at first sight. They fell hard for each other over the span of weeks, moved in together only months into their relationship and on their two-year anniversary Lauren had asked her to become her wife.

Nadia had truly turned her world around and was a huge part of her success. She was happier than she had ever been but no matter how many crazy stories they shared with each other about their past Lauren never brought up Bo. It was something she still couldn't explain to herself and sometimes she felt like it had all been a terrible but still wickedly wonderful dream. She buried the memory of the brunette beauty deep inside her heart and mind, willing it to never resurface again but sometimes she still dreamt of the way Bo's touch set her on fire like nothing else, not even Nadia ever could. That didn't happen often but when it did it usually resulted in Lauren practically devouring her wife as soon as she woke up. She always felt bad afterwards but the brunette loved it, claiming that she never saw her as wild as in those moments, unbeknownst to her making Lauren feel even worse for it. But in her mind the blonde was adamant: Bo was only a demon in her past while Nadia was her present and her future. Boy was she wrong.

Four months into their marriage Nadia had to leave on a business trip to Paris for a week. Lauren even went with her to JFK airport that evening, telling her that she would miss her dearly and that she would call her every night before she went to bed. They parted with a tight hug and a lingering kiss that made Lauren's heart soar and she had every intention of making romantic dinner reservations for the evening her wife came back. She would make them right after the court hearing scheduled the next morning.

...

Walking towards the court room the next day she felt well-prepared to win yet another case when her personal assistant caught her on her way there. "Mrs. Lewis, I don't know if somebody already told you but they changed the prosecutor for this case at the very last moment." Startled, Lauren asked "Can they even do that?" and only received a shrug as response. "Do you know who it is?" She inquired further, maybe she knew the person taking over and that would be an advantage for her. Her assistant sighed. "Yes, the information given to me says Ysabeau Thornwood." The first name struck a chord in Lauren's mind immediately and her stomach lurched, making her stop dead in her tracks. Her assistant stopped with her, looking at her like she had suddenly grown a second head. "Mrs. Lewis? Is everything alright?" He asked and quickly, Lauren plastered her usual smile back onto her face. "It's nothing. It's just that I knew someone with that first name a long time ago."

Her assistant nodded, understanding filling his features. "Anything else?" Lauren questioned as they continued towards the court room but he shook his head. "I'm afraid not. I couldn't do any digging yet, it was too short notice. But I can get to that immediately if you would like me to." Lauren smiled and thanked her assistant but shook her head nonetheless. "No, I guess I will see for myself in a few minutes." She then dismissed the young man and walked towards the court room with more purpose than before. After all, the odds were completely ridiculous that this was really Bo Dennis, married and in New York all of a sudden when only two years ago she had been living in California. Not that Lauren had been checking or anything. Then again, the name Ysabeau was certainly a rare one and she knew that Bo, unsurprisingly, had become a great prosecutor.

Shrugging to herself and shaking off the thoughts spinning in her head she made the last few steps towards the court room, ready to face whatever the prosecutor office threw at her. She was not prepared however for Bo Dennis standing at the other end of the narrow room, dressed impeccably in a tight pencil skirt and a tailored black blazer with a white blouse under it. It accentuated her curves perfectly without being inappropriate and Lauren's palms immediately began to sweat. She noticed that Bo looked older but not in a bad way. In fact, if anything, it made her even more beautiful than she already had been in law school and that alone was an accomplishment. Lauren felt her heart begin to race as she caught Bo's stare, seeing her eyes grow slightly wider in recognition but not really noticeably so. They stared at each other across the room during almost the whole trial and Lauren was glad she was always so well prepared. She made a good case for her client managed to get a very lenient sentence, even without her head being in the game a hundred percent. Yet, she kept thinking about how on earth Bo ended up here and if this was some personal hell she was being sent to again after a few years of peace and happiness made her believe she had escaped.

After the hearing, her client thanking her again and again while Lauren insisted she was just doing her job she felt Bo's eyes on her again, watching her every move so she quickly finished up everything, only half-lying that she had a very busy schedule. She quickly walked the way back to her office and it was all she could do to keep from running until she felt like she had shaken Bo. Lauren didn't even know if the brunette had been following her but she probably hadn't. It had just been her imagination running wild, it must have been. The moment her office door closed Lauren leaned back against it, her shaky breaths the only sound in the modernly yet subtly decorated room with the obligatory large wooden desk in the middle. She stared at the ceiling, the blank white doing nothing to calm her down so she closed her eyes, quickly opening them again as memories buried long ago resurfaced instantly. It triggered her to immediately walk over to her desk, picking up the cell phone lying right where she put it before she left for the hearing this morning. Her shaky fingers were already on the speed dial button that would probably disturb her wife during her job but at the last possible moment she stopped, slowly placing the phone where it had been before and taking a step back, almost as if the phone was something repulsive. What was she supposed to tell Nadia anyway? Oh, hey babe, by the way I just ran into the woman with whom I cheated on every girlfriend I had in law school? Not because I wanted to but because I seem to be somewhat obsessed with her? You know, I don't even like her, in fact I hate her guts but it just feels so good when she's.. No. She couldn't ever tell Nadia about this. Her wife would see that Lauren would never be rid of this demon and she would know that she would do it again because she already felt it. It was the exact same feeling she had in law school: inevitability, the feeling that no matter what she did or how well she prepared, there was nothing she could do against her body's primal desire to be with Bo Dennis, or Thornwood, whatever her name was these days.

Lauren's mental breakdown was interrupted by a soft knock on her office door. She froze, eyes fixed on the dark wooden surface across the room. For just a second she contemplated flinging herself from her office window but since it didn't open fully and she probably couldn't break the glass she decided against it. So instead she took a deep breath, put a pleasant smile on her face and turned to open her door. Just like she had expected, when the dark wood swung aside there stood Bo in all her glory, smiling like a new colleague would when you were first being introduced to them. Her hair was perfect, falling down her shoulders in soft raven curls, longer than it had been years ago but like everything about her it just made her even more beautiful now. "Miss Lewis." She greeted her politely but it had this usual cocky edge to it as she smirked "May I have a word?" Lauren wanted to say no, she really did but her body had other plans as usual. Without wanting to she stepped aside and opened the door wider, allowing Bo to breeze past her, black heels clicking on the wooden floor as Lauren was hit full force by her compelling scent.

"Miss Lewis..." Bo started but whatever she was going to say was cut off by Lauren's harsh voice "It's Mrs. Lewis now." She turned to face the brunette and held up her hand showing her the simple golden band on her ring finger. Bo nodded slowly, her brow furrowing but she didn't say anything else. Still, Lauren couldn't leave the subject alone, a feeling she knew all too well when it came to the woman in front of her. "You seem surprised. Yes, I do have a wife and I love her with all my heart."

"Is that her?" Bo asked, completely foregoing Lauren's icy tone and pointing to a framed picture of Nadia and Lauren in Central Park that stood on her desk. One of their friends, Hale, had taken the picture for them on a beautiful summer day about a year ago while they were having a picnic. It showed Lauren and Nadia smiling at each other while they were talking, Lauren's hands up and explaining something along with her like they always did. Hale had taken the picture without them noticing and gave it to them later, telling them that they looked very much in love on it and he was right.

"Yes." Laruen answered finally, the word coming out in a huff. Bo nodded again and looked at the blonde for a while before Lauren simply asked "What, Bo?"

"I'm sorry for coming here, Lauren. I didn't know I would find you here, all I knew is that you went to New York City when we finished law school. This city is so big that the odds of running into each other..." She trailed off but Lauren nodded and in a quiet voice finished her sentence for her. "are slim to none, really. But that's the problem, isn't it? We always seem to find each other, wherever we are." Every word was true and the pain that came with them was not nearly as bad as she had expected it to be. Somehow, she felt oddly at ease with Bo in front of her again, even as her heart started racing in that familiar way.

"You're married as well, Mrs. Thornwood." Lauren said, changing the subject and it made Bo smile. "Technically I am, yes." When all she got was a raised eyebrow she shrugged. "You know how it goes, sweetheart. We think we found the love of our lives, marry them after not even a year only to find out another year later that it was all a huge mistake. The name is the last thing I have of his now and even that will be gone again in a few months." She paused. "His name is Dyson, he is still in LA and I foolishly thought that he could make it end. Make the dreams end, the longing."

"You need to stop right there." Lauren warned, closing her eyes and holding up a hand for even more emphasis. "No. I won't. I know you feel this, too. I can't stay away from you and I have no idea why that is. For fuck's sake, I hate you most of the time, you're a bossy perfectionist with a stick up your ass but something about you will not stop drawing me in. I want you. Every second of every day and I have since that one night when you came to my place for our assignment." Bo rushed out and suddenly found herself face to face with Lauren who was pinning her against her desk with a pained expression on her face.

"So you just thought you would come to New York City and find me, destroy my life like you did in law school?" She hissed but Bo started laughing. "Overly dramatic much? Face it, sweetheart, we can't stay away from each other and as much as we hate it, it's always going to be this. _Us._"

"I told you long ago to stop calling me that." Lauren said, eyes hard but downcast. Bo lifted her head with a hand under her chin, the other caressing the blonde's cheek like she always used to. "I know you did but we both know I don't ever listen to you." And with that she slowly leaned in and captured Lauren's lips with her own. The kiss was surprisingly gentle but even after all this time the soft contact didn't fail to do its job. The blonde lost any sense for time or space as the air seemed to be pulled from her lungs and every fiber, every cell or molecule in her body buzzed to life. It had always been like this. When they were together nothing mattered but Bo and it was an exhilarating feeling to have the world, every problem or concern reduce itself to this little micro universe that was her and the brunette.

They broke apart minutes later but stayed close to each other, breaths mingling as their eyes opened and gazes met. For Lauren the feeling in the pit of her stomach was completely different from the one Nadia invoked on her. Her wife's touch made her feel like she glowed from the inside, safe and happy while Bo's was like a raging inferno that didn't give her a feeling of safety, yet she craved it because it made her feel free. It was ironic somehow because in all things regarding Bo, Lauren was a lot of things but none of them free, rather a prisoner of a longing she could neither fight nor explain.

A lopsided grin broke out over the brunette's face and Lauren's stomach constricted, she knew that look and she resented as well as longed for it. Seeing it for the first time after years seemingly doubled its effects leading to Bo meeting little resistance as she slowly walked the blonde backwards until they hit the door together. Like the brunette had done it a million times already she reached around her lover, flicking the lock closed so that nobody could walk in on what, judging by Bo's expression, she had wanted to do for a long time now. This time when their lips met it was fierce and demanding, not sweet at all as their bodies pressed together against the cool dark wood behind the blonde's back. Lauren felt like she was on fire, Bo's hands everywhere on her body all at once while she trailed open-mouthed kisses down her neck and caused the blonde's hands to tangle into her oh so perfect hair. The prosecutor pressed her thigh in between Lauren's legs, demanding entry which she was granted as the blonde widened her stance to accommodate. Her head was filling with hazy smoke as Bo toyed with her waistband, she couldn't think, only feel just like she had in law school years ago whenever the brunette beauty would have her way with her. She heard the button of her dress pants pop open obscenely loud and just as Bo's hand turned and came dangerously close to slipping inside them Lauren caught on to what was actually happening here. She had a wife. A wife whom she loved with all her heart. Whom she was happy with. They had even talked about having kids together. But all these years that she hadn't seen Bo she had downplayed their connection, telling herself that it hadn't been as bad or as inevitable as she had felt it back then, that it had been a weakness on her part to let someone like Bo get to her. The problem was, she realized as the prosecutor's hand finally slipped between her pants and soaked panties making her whimper with need, that there were no people like Bo. There was only Bo. And there would only ever be Bo. So with the last piece of sanity the brunette had left her until now, Lauren reached down and grabbed the woman's wrist, effectively stopping her delicious movements. Bo's wicked dark eyes met hers, twinkling dangerously, the lust in them so obvious it would have scared Lauren hadn't she known that it was most likely reflected in her own. "We can't. I have Nadia.. I won't do this to her." She finally got out although her body screamed in protest, throbbing against the brunette's hand in her pants in a way Lauren was sure Bo could feel.

The prosecutor's eyes narrowed ever so slightly before, in a fashion Lauren had seen countless times, the left corner of her mouth slowly pulled up until Bo was grinning in a way that made her look like she was in on a secret no one else knew. She leaned in, nipping at the blonde's strong jaw, soothing the gentle bite with her tongue before nuzzling her nose into her cheek. "I believe we already had a similar conversation a few years ago, sweetheart."

The blonde immediately knew what she was talking about but the memory and the answer she had given Bo back then only served to make her tremble even more than she already was. "Bo, please, this is different. She is my wife. I love her and she doesn't deserve this. It's not fair."

The brunette pulled her hand free of Lauren's grasp and out of her pants so fast it caused the blonde's hand to swing wildly, limply coming to a rest at her side as she stared into wild brown eyes. Where Bo had been deliciously pressing into her before, she was now practically suffocating Lauren while their faces were so close the blonde had to look from one eye to the other to maintain eye contact. She could feel Bo's breath on her face, harsh and fast now and not from excitement, still the scent surrounding the brunette was enough to make Lauren's heart race. She hated herself for it. When Bo began to speak it was barely controlled, anger tearing at her voice and threatening to make it a shout but she controlled it well. It would seem the mature woman in front of Lauren had learned that she couldn't just go off like a fire cracker whenever or wherever it suited her most.

"Lauren." She said the name with precision, making the blonde suck in a delicious Bo-scented breath because Bo never called her by her name. Ever. "You say it's not fair to your wife if we do this. Do you think it's fair that for years on end you were the only thing I could think about? I could have been happy with Dyson but I kept dreaming only about you. At least twice a week, there you were as soon as I closed my eyes. Dyson wanted a child with me. A child I couldn't give him because I felt I didn't deserve a family with a man I could never truly love because everything I could think about when he was with me was you. I came here because I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to see you again and I knew I would. Because for some reason, you and I are some kind of fucked up soul mates." By now there were tears in the corners of Bo's eyes, threatening to spill over but she controlled it. Her anger had completely resolved to resignation, her shoulders visibly slumping, her hold on Lauren loosening to a point where the blonde was holding her, leaning back against the door as the ever so strong Bo Dennis (or Thornwood or whatever) spoke her darkest truth. "Because I've never felt more complete than in those moments when you give yourself to me, when you become mine for the course of a few hours."

The next minutes were filled with absolute silence as the two women just stood there, taking comfort in a contact they had never consciously wanted but rather given into whenever their desire for each other boiled over. When Bo took a step back, the tears in her eyes a mere memory in the distance, Lauren's hands slipped from where she had been tenderly holding the brunette around the waist and she felt like she was missing something again. "This one time sweetheart, this was your way out. The next time we see each other alone I won't stop, I can't." Bo said in a voice that was perfectly professional until you heard the words she spoke and Lauren understood, she knew how it would be, how it was inevitable like the change of night and day. She knew that Bo would never take her against her will, either, she never had, always looking for this moment she had spoken of before, the moment the blonde stopped resisting and just gave in, accepting that she would always belong to the raven-haired beauty in some twisted way. "I know." She answered quietly, unable to look into Bo's eyes as she just reached behind herself, unlocking to door and pulling it open as far as she could with her back still somewhat against it. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the brunette nod, walking towards the now open door to slip through but not without running the back of her fingers along Lauren's cheek and igniting the dark flame of desire once more. The blonde shut her eyes closely as she recoiled from the warm touch when everything inside her screamed at her to lean in closer. She didn't notice how she held her breath trying to block out Bo's scent but it did her no good anyway. The door fell shut again and Lauren leaned her head back against the still warm wood as she slowly slid down to the floor, taking a deep and much-needed gulp of air that was still thick with the prosecutor's scent. It made her insides tingle with excitement and dread, a first silent sob breaking through her trance at the realization that once more, she was at the mercy of Bo, just like she had always been. She thought about Nadia and the guilt and pain were sheer overwhelming. Lauren had thought the guilt she had for lying to Crystal had been bad but this was a whole new level, it felt like her heart was slowly being cut into pieces, the air in her lungs not providing her with nearly enough oxygen anymore as she silently began to sob on her office floor until she couldn't anymore. It was the first time that she missed an appointment with a client because of personal reasons and as the coming months would show, not the last.

...

Looking back, Lauren was honestly surprised how long it took for one of them to cave, especially how long Bo managed to keep a professional distance where she had usually just taken whatever she wanted right away. Over months it had gotten harder and harder to avoid the other while maintaining a perfectly normal facade, most of all in front of Nadia. The blonde had been lucky there (or not so much, depending how you looked at it), her wife was on another business trip and would be gone for three more weeks when the dreams started. More than the occasional wet dream she was having before Bo Dennis (her divorce was final by now) waltzed into her office and back into her life that faithful day, the brunette became part of her almost every night as soon as she closed her eyes. They weren't always having sex in those dreams either, in some they would just sit across from each other in a dark room, staring into each other's eyes until the left corner of Bo's mouth would turn up like it had countless times before. It were those dreams that nearly drove the blonde insane because she didn't know what to make of them; she just knew she was reaching the end of her line before she would cave and call Bo, she had her number after all, that of her business cell phone of course.

With Nadia still ten days and thousands of miles away, the overpowering guilt gnawing at Lauren's insides somehow wasn't enough anymore to keep Lauren from doing something she knew she would regret. She had just seen Bo again the day before, fleetingly in a hallway but it had been enough. The brunette had smiled at her and Lauren believed she had seen pain in chocolate brown eyes, a pain she knew all too well. It was that of needing something with every fiber in one's body, yearning and longing for it but hating the very fact at the same time. And so, resenting herself with everything she had she found herself in front of a small wooden desk with a snarky raven-haired secretary behind it. "It's urgent." She told the petite woman who raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow over her bright blue eyes but didn't dare to talk back to defense attorney Lauren Lewis so she walked over to a heavy wooden door, knocking once, twice, three times.

"Kenzi, I said I was.." Bo growled as she yanked open the door but then her eyes fell on her visitor and she stopped mid-sentence, the silence lasting for no more than a few seconds. "No calls, no appointments, no nothing in the next few hours. We will not be disturbed under any circumstances. Am I understood?" She asked and Lauren couldn't help but find the return of her authoritative nature, for the lack of a better expression, sexy as hell. The small secretary nodded quickly, shuffling back to her desk while giving the blonde one last mildly disapproving look. Lauren slowly made her way to the door Bo was holding open for her; the moment she walked past the brunette seeming like slow-motion to her, like her brain wanted to keep every aspect of this memory forever. The door closed and locked, Lauren's heart raced faster than it ever had when Bo slowly came up behind her but instead of just pouncing like the blonde had expected her to she started to circle her ever so slowly, coming close enough to be clearly felt by Lauren, though. Not a word was spoken and it didn't need to, their bodies were communicating better than their voices had ever could. Bo inhaled deeply when she was to Lauren's left, taking her in and making the blonde tremble with something primal, somehow knowing that Bo felt exactly the same. The brunette finally stopped in front of her but slightly off to the left, a hand coming up to cup Lauren's cheek. The blonde flinched momentarily but then she remembered why she was here, what Bo had told her the last time they were alone together and she relaxed into the warm palm, leaning into it and letting its electrifying effect take over her body. The brunette came even closer, their eyes locked on each other as mere inches separated them from what they both knew to be their personal heaven but at the same time their doom as well. Bo's arm snaked around the blonde's waist, pulling her against her body as usual clad snugly in expensive clothes. Guilt threatened to overtake Lauren again and she struggled momentarily before she overcame it, her arms sliding around Bo's neck to tangle in her hair, signaling her ultimate surrender. Bo looked at her for just a second longer and she seemed to see something Lauren was desperately trying to hide because in the small moment before their lips finally closed over each other she whispered something that sounded suspiciously like 'I'm sorry'. The blonde didn't have any time though to contemplate the thought further because the second Bo's lips touched hers, her mind went completely blank and her body took over. The first gasp of breath she took when the brunette took her bottom lip between her teeth and pulled felt like she hadn't fully breathed for months before, she could practically feel the oxygen shooting into and through her bloodstream although she knew it was physically impossible for her to do so. Still, every cell in her body came alive with thundering electricity and clarity only to be set on fire immediately after. This feeling, this burning from the inside out was something she had only ever experienced with Bo and right now it made her press even closer, the brunette's hands trailing over her body, instinctively knowing how to touch her just right.

They kissed with fever, Lauren pulling on Bo's hair to get her even closer as she leaned back until the only thing holding her up were the brunette's sure arms around her. That had always been another thing about Bo that appealed to the blonde, her physical fitness. She knew that back in law school the brunette had hit the gym as often as her schedule would allow, which was, given the fact that Bo never seemed to study for anything, more often than not. For Lauren it lead to her lover not only having killer abs as well as toned arms and legs but also the strength needed to pick the blonde up like a rag doll or hold her up in the most crazy of positions. Over years of being physically intimate with Bo Lauren had learned to trust her lover's body implicitly, even if she didn't trust the woman herself as far as she could throw her. Now it seemed that nothing about that had changed. Even in their tilted position Bo held her to her own body like it didn't cost her more than a flex of her arm muscles while never missing a beat in kissing Lauren breathless. With the same ease the brunette's arm muscles constricted just a second later, resulting in her pulling Lauren up with her, then around and back until the blonde's lower back hit the edge of the large mahogany desk in front of the window front making up the far wall of the office. Lauren was ready to feel hands helping her up onto the surface any second, after all, she had let Bo devour her on almost every available surface in the brunette's old apartment, she was used to the procedure even though it was never really the same.

Instead, Lauren released a moan of protest when Bo unexpectedly withdrew from her, taking a few quick steps back. First the blonde thought her lover was having second thoughts but then she saw the look in Bo's eyes and it told her without doubt that she had no intention of stopping. No, instead of the dreaded or maybe wanted rebuff Bo just reached up for the long black pin that held her hair up in a loose and beautiful bun, pulling it out in one swift motion that once again played out in Lauren's mind in slow-motion. The long chocolate tresses falling down to cascade over delicate but so strong shoulders triggered the blonde to really look at Bo for the first time that day and maybe for the first time since she had walked back into her life. The young woman she had known in law school had always been dressed in the tightest leather pants and jackets she could find, her cleavage showing off in tops and shirts that were just a bit too small and tight for them to be decent. The ensemble had always aggravated Lauren as much as it excited her to know what hid beneath the material. As she looked at Bo now, though, it confirmed that this woman had grown into her own and while that still included too tight clothes they now were just enough to be extremely sexy but not over the top. In fact, the only thing completely indecent about Bo right now was her smirk as she slowly, predatorily, walked closer to Lauren again, peeling herself out of her tailored black blazer to reveal a white blouse buttoned only part-way up. Casually, as if it weren't basically hundreds of dollars she was flinging across the room she threw the blazer to land perfectly on an arm chair a few feet from her while never taking her eyes off her prize. How anyone could be so elegant and alluring, even when she could see the pulse racing under the skin of the brunette's neck was beyond Lauren and the anticipation made her clutch the table's edge until her knuckles turned white from the pressure.

Stalking closer still, Bo once again reminded Lauren of the lioness she had though her to be like from the moment they were alone for the first time. The slow, almost strolling yet purposeful steps she took, the fire burning in her dark eyes, the deadly elegance she seemed to exude and lastly, the twinge of fear that always made Lauren's stomach clench right before she let Bo claim her again. And like a grown lioness, this older version of the blonde's own personal demon had learned patience. If anything, that made the wait even more excruciating.

When the brunette was finally within touching distance she stopped briefly to reach out with her hand and tug at the top button of Lauren's cream dress shirt. "Off." She commanded softly, stepping close enough for the blonde to feel the heat of her body but Lauren just looked up into the dark brown hurricanes trying to stare her down and smiled. Her body may have been on fire more than it had been for years, but she knew that this was first and foremost a game. Bo came so close their lips almost grazed, body trapping Lauren between the desk and herself. "Now." She growled, eyes narrowing as she tilted her head a bit to the right, cascades of brown shifting to obscure her face ever so slightly. Her hands placed themselves on Lauren's lower stomach like a promise of what was to come and so the blonde finally complied, catching Bo's lips with her own as she reached up and undid the buttons of her own shirt. She felt the brunette smile into the kiss when she had to move her hands to allow the blonde to continue with her task and immediately they went to her chest and wandered upwards, delicately pushing the thin material off Lauren's shoulders, brushing against the newly revealed skin and making her shudder.

Bo pulled back again ever so slightly when the shirt was completely off, her eyes roaming over Lauren's shoulders, then her chest and finally her stomach where muscles started to quiver like from an actual touch. Swiftly, the brunettes hands were around her back, unfastening the clasp of her bra and pulling it off Lauren who knew that any more resistance wasn't something she was capable of anymore so she just let it happen, staring at Bo's eyes that were greedily drinking her in before her hands went to her own blouse to quickly unbutton the garment and just letting it drop at her feet when she was done. Next came her bra, disposed just as carelessly but to the side this time. Where Lauren's body had been on fire before, now her mind was, too. Bo didn't seem to be a gym addict anymore, rounded curves and fuller breasts a beautiful tribute to the fact but when the brunette finally leaned forward and their bare upper bodies touched Lauren found that, despite all the changes, her lover was still the very same woman she wished she had never met in law school. Like back then Bo's body was still warm and soft, not like Lauren's own that had started to shiver in the cool air of the office while the brunette took her sweet time. Now Bo did what Lauren had though she would do minutes before, she grabbed the very back of the blonde's thighs and lifted her onto her desk which was thankfully void of things that would have tumbled to the floor in the minutes and probably hours to come. Bo grabbed both of Lauren's wrists, bringing them above her head as she guided them both down on the cold wooden surface, the blonde lying down while she leaned over her, careful to never lose skin contact. She held her lover's arms together and down with one hand while the other, free now, began to wander down Lauren's cheek and then down the side of her neck. The blonde couldn't help but arch, both into the touch and against Bo's other hand pinning her down. She wanted the brunette to stop her teasing and get on with it already; how she could still tease her while Lauren herself was going crazy was beyond the blonde. She looked up into those wild dark eyes smirking along with the full mouth beneath them. Lauren moaned loudly and arched up even more when Bo's hand trailed over her left breast, flicking the hardened nub on top almost casually but the blonde knew it was anything but. She surged up, trying to catch Bo's lips for a bruising kiss but her lover evaded her with a melodious chuckle and another teasing flick to her nipple. "Bo.." Lauren half-growled and half-whined, raging against Bo's restraining hand again but the brunette had a much better angle and she was just too strong.

A crisp bite to her collarbone made the blonde moan breathily again. "Yes, sweetheart?" Her voice was a whole octave deeper than usual and it made Lauren's insides tingle and burn even more than they already were. By now she was sure she would come if Bo so much as touched her fully only once but of course the virtuoso that was Bo Dennis knew that and so she wouldn't give it to her. She wouldn't let her come until she wanted her to and just the fact that she could command her body like that catapulted her way above every other lover Lauren ever had, even Nadia. Because while her wife had learned in months and years which spots made Lauren moan and cry out, Bo had known from the start. For some reason the brunette always found the perfect spot with every touch, may it be ever so simple. There was no one who could play the blonde's body like the brunette prosecutor could, no one who understood her moans and whimpers like her and so, when Lauren only whimpered desperately in response Bo finally gave in.

The blonde's hands, suddenly released, went to tangle in dark hair or trail over Bo's naked chest as she herself surged upward and crashed her lips full force against her lover's. There was no love in their connection, only pure burning need and it made their teeth clash and tongues duel, the fingers of one of Lauren's hands leaving red welts as she dragged her nails over Bo's side, earning a growling moan. Between their heaving bodies Bo's hand was fumbling with the blonde's pants until they finally gave way. She pulled back and ripped them off along with her underwear and Lauren just watched her, mind blank, body trembling. It didn't matter anymore that she had a wife, that they were in Bo's office that was probably soundproof but who really knew, that she was falling back into something she promised herself to never let happen again. She only felt and like the needle into a junkie's arm, Bo's fingers slipped into her effortlessly, giving her what she craved against all better judgment. Lauren saw stars as Bo mercilessly took what was hers and at some point she knew her voice broke, hoarse from calling the brunette's name against luscious lips or thin air, depending on what Bo decided she would do to her in that moment. Bo moaned just as loud when she sat in her high leather chair, Lauren kneeling between her legs for what seemed to be hours on end. Their absence of love allowed them to be as rough as they wanted to with each other and later the blonde would once more feel lucky that she had a few more days before her wife came back because there would have been no way to hide or explain some of the marks Bo left on her body.

Finally, when the sun had almost disappeared behind the skyscrapers Lauren woke to the rhythm of a strong heartbeat against her ear. Fingers were slowly combing through her hair, brushing the blonde tresses this way and that with no particular pattern or reason. At first, Lauren wanted to believe that it had all been one of her dreams of Bo but the fact that, when she opened her eyes, she found herself on the floor of a large and now very chaotic office told her otherwise. She slowly sat up, the hand previously in her hair sliding down to caress her back. "You're awake, sweetheart." came Bo's slightly rough but otherwise very awake voice from behind her. Lauren turned and truly, there she was, the woman of her wildest dreams and worst nightmares smiling at her. Bo's hair was all over the place, wild and tangled but still beautiful and perfect as she leaned back against the glass window. She had her bra back on and, as Lauren could feel from the way their bodies were connected, her thong, too. It seemed that over the years the brunette had finally learned that underwear was actually quite practical. For a second Lauren just looked at Bo, at her messy raven hair, slightly smeared makeup and relaxed posture along with an easy smile that the blonde allowed herself to return until she felt her stomach clench, the bile already rising in her throat.

Bo looked concerned but when she tried to lean in and opened her mouth to ask what was wrong Lauren pushed her back forcefully, sliding off her lap in the process and backwards until she hit the desk. The brunette gave a huff when the shove made her back connect with the window behind her but then she smiled again, not gentle this time, though. No, this was her usual cocky lopsided smile that made her look like she was in on a secret no one else knew. Lauren glared back at her and for a while they just sat there, the blonde's back against Bo's desk, the brunette's against the glass front. Lauren didn't want to think about how the setting sun seemed to hit Bo just right, making her beautiful to a point where it almost hurt but she couldn't help herself and as always with the brunette, her body responded, heating up inside and forcing her to remember the past hours.

"See something you like?" Bo interrupted her train of thought, tilting her head to the side as her smile grew into an arrogant smirk, also a typical action but much less attractive, sexier, though, in a dark way.

"Shut up." Lauren huffed and stood abruptly, turning to look for her strewn clothes and realizing as she moved just how sore she actually was. Desperate to keep the bit of dignity she had left she strode through the room, collecting the ruffled pieces of clothing and throwing them on. She was stopped by a hand on her stomach, an arm wrapping around her from behind. She hadn't even realized that Bo had gotten up as well. "I'm flattered that you'd wear it" she told Lauren in a deep voice, nose nudging her ear playfully "but that's mine." Lauren looked down at herself, seeing that in her hurry she had put on Bo's white blouse instead of her cream dress shirt. The brunette began tugging the still unbuttoned garment from her shoulders but Lauren pushed her away with a hand to her stomach, turning to face her personal demon as she quickly rid herself of the blouse and held it out for Bo. The brunette took it, her eyes hinting at the amused laugh her mouth refused to let out. Nonchalant, she slid into her blouse, gathering her dress pants right after and Lauren was almost sorry to see the luscious curves hidden from view. Almost, she thought because she was still very aware of what this was and it made her feel terrible but angry at the same time and Bo wasn't helping matters with the way she kept looking at her, smirk still firmly in place.

Bo was just pulling her hair back up when Lauren finished dressing and deemed herself more or less presentable again. "This can never happen again." She told the brunette, who raised an amused eyebrow but didn't say anything. "I mean it, Bo." Lauren emphasized and this time the other woman chuckled. "You were the one that came to me, sweetheart." She stated simply. Lauren knew it was true and by now she didn't even know what demon had possessed her to think that letting Bo back in one time and never again would be the solution. She knew from previous tries in law school that she could ignore the brunette beauty for a few weeks, maybe a month but never for longer. Back in law school Bo always had a habit of appearing at the most inopportune moments, usually in the library where she knew she would find Lauren. "When are you done here?" She would ask, her voice only a whisper but it holding so much promise. Lauren would tell her nothing sometimes and Bo would just leave but more and more often, the blonde found herself whispering back a time, eight pm, eight thirty, nine, it didn't matter when. Their eyes would meet over Lauren's heap of books and, if it was a sunny day, over the top of Bo's expensive sunglasses. The brunette would nod and whisper "I'll be waiting.", disappearing through the endless masses of books seconds later. And she always was. Lauren never kept her waiting, either, no matter if she was actually done with her work by the time she had given Bo. The blonde always walked out of the library on time to find Bo's yellow Camaro waiting for her in a spot where it wasn't all that obvious. The brunette would drive them to her apartment in silence; they both knew that if they talked they would be in the middle of an argument seconds later. Everything about that time had something strangely ritualistic in Lauren's mind, something exciting and dark as well. Bo and Lauren could never hold a conversation unless it was about school but they would be in bed for hours on end, never tiring of the other, only parting because they had to or because one of them foolishly started talking and even then, the strange desire that bound them together won out most of the time.

Lauren knew and remembered very well how bad this inevitability had felt at times but she also remembered how free it made her feel. So free it managed to even overwrite the guilt she harbored for cheating on Crystal as well as Evony and the few other lover's in between who had wanted her all to herself. The guilt she had felt with Crystal had been the worst of all but now, now she couldn't even begin to describe what she felt. Crystal had been her girlfriend, they had been exclusive but Nadia was her wife. She had vowed to never want, love or look at another and yet here she stood, the slim golden band on her finger but also the remnants of Bo's essence, dried now but still telling an unmistakable tale of the last hours. Lauren knew she would have to shower when she got home, not only because she was sweaty but because she couldn't stand the thought of Nadia calling her when she could still feel Bo's hands on her, feel the marks she left on her skin. The blonde cringed. The guilt was clawing at her heart full-force now, leaving her hands shaking as she tried to get her bearings.

"What's running through your pretty head?" Bo's voice filtered through Lauren's haze and it triggered something in her, an anger usually buried deep inside the normally collected an calm blonde. Her furious stare seemed to catch the brunette off guard, pinning her into place, her hair now back in the casual but perfect updo again. "Guilt, Bo." Lauren spat at her and the brunette's brow furrowed. "I have a wife, you know? Do you think that this doesn't hurt, that I really want this?"

"I had a husband, too." Bo answered quietly but not passively, eyes narrowing as she slowly stepped closer to the still fuming blonde. "No matter what you think Lauren, we're in the same boat. I know how it feels to be committed to someone and want another against all better judgment. No matter how bad you want me to be the villain here, we're both to blame. We're both the same. The only difference is that I've accepted our faith."

For some strange reason, Lauren had to laugh at the response. It wasn't loud but low and guttural. Maybe she was slowly going insane, Lauren thought. "And I always figured you were the hero out of the two of us, never accepting what anyone told you and finding your own way, living the life you choose."

Bo smiled as she came ever closer, standing right in front of the blonde and shocking Lauren when demanding lips pressed against her own. The shock lasted only a moment, giving way to the desire, the need to push the brunette away. Lauren's hands went to the lapels of Bo's expensive tailored blazer, ready to shove her back but instead she found her fingers digging into the soft material, pulling the brunette flush against herself as she opened her mouth to the claiming advances and let herself be consumed once more. Their passionate kiss ended abruptly when Bo pulled back, chest heaving, eyes dark with lust once more. "I was. I tried walking away and it got me nothing, just a lot of pain and a lot of heartbreak I caused. It took years to accept it but I know now that I will never be free of you." Bo was quiet for a moment as Lauren tried to process what she was trying to tell her. "Sometimes I think that, maybe, in another life, we could have been the happiest people on earth together. You know? True love, soul mates and all that." She opened her mouth to say more but this time Lauren found the resolve and the strength to shove her back, effectively startling her out of her wandering thoughts.

"Don't, Bo. Just don't." Lauren growled, shaking her head to try and hold back the swirling emotions in her head. She turned to walk to the door when Bo called her back one last time. "My home number is in your phone. I put it there while you slept. Call me whenever you feel like it and we will work something out." She paused. "Oh and sweetheart, you have a text from your wife. She misses you and loves you very much."

Lauren halted, her back still to Bo but she didn't turn around, she couldn't, knowing that if she did that arrogant smirk would be waiting for her again. She wouldn't hesitate to punch it off Bo's face; she wanted to but she couldn't afford it either so she took a deep breath, clenched her fists and walked out of the office with as much dignity as she could. Kenzi, the raven-haired secretary barely even looked up from her phone when she walked past. It seemed that Bo's office was very much soundproof, indeed.

...

It was past midnight a month and a half later when Lauren finally reached for her phone with a trembling hand, finding the number she was looking for under 'Prosecutor Dennis'. She just stared at the screen for a few seconds, thinking of the time that had lead up to this moment. After coming home from her business trip Nadia had been home for a longer time than usual, much to Lauren's delight. They had reconnected during that time, spending happy weeks waking up tangled in each other, having nice dinners or taking long walks. They even went to see a Broadway musical, something they hadn't done in at least a year. Of course Lauren's irrational longing for Bo resurfaced every now and then, causing her to ravage her wife with renewed vigor every time she caught herself in a fantasy about her personal raven-haired devil. Nadia loved it, though and Lauren felt guilty all over again but it was better than the guilt she felt whenever she thought about the day her wife would leave on the next business trip; only a week in London for a photo shoot this time, not long by any means but enough for Lauren to know she would cave during that very week. And so, true to her prediction, late at night when she got off the phone with Nadia telling her she had landed safely at Heathrow she reached for her work cell phone and, finding the desired number, pressed call.

Lauren's hand trembled, her back against the wall while she waited. She prayed for Bo to be asleep like any normal person should at this time of night, prayed for her not to pick up but all of them went unanswered as the brunette's voice filtered through the line seconds later "Yes?" It was parched and sleepy but still, through everything, Lauren was glad to hear her voice. She opened her mouth to respond but there was a muffled ruffling coming from Bo's end of the line and then words that sounded far away, also heavy with sleep. "Who's that, babe?" It was a male voice and it made Lauren's blood turn to ice water in all but a heartbeat. By the way there was a loud scratching sound the blonde knew Bo was tightly pressing her hand to the phone, trying to shied Lauren from hearing more. She only heard unintelligible sounds that could have been voices along with loud clanking and clattering before silence was the only thing reaching her. Lauren debated just hanging up, clearly Bo was busy with her boyfriend or whoever that guy was but just as she was about to take the phone from her ear and press disconnect the brunette's voice came through, loud and clear. "Sweetheart?" She asked and for the first time it didn't sound sexual, but actually like a term of endearment. "Bo." Was the only thing Lauren could say as she closed her eyes and pressed her back further against the wall of her bedroom, the bedroom she shared with Nadia.

"Is everything ok?" Bo asked and Lauren nodded before she remembered that the brunette couldn't see her. "Yeah. I'm sorry I.. I obviously interrupted something. I'm going to go to bed." A sinking feeling in her stomach, Lauren again wanted to disconnect the call but a loud "Lauren!" made her wait. "Did you need anything tonight?" Bo asked and it sounded soft, like she didn't know how to express herself. For some reason that made Lauren suck in a breath, moisture beginning to form in her eyes. It was quiet for a bit, the tears in the blonde's eyes spilling over when she admitted in a whisper "You."

"I'll be right over just give me the address." Bo sounded like she was so nonchalant about it, like this was nothing more than a friendly visit when they both knew that friendly was never an option for them. "No!" Lauren shook her head vigorously, hair and tears flying in every direction. She couldn't let Bo into her home, into the place she shared with her wife. She wouldn't taint it. Bo seemed to sense that as well. "Ok." She said calmly. "Should I come get you or should I just give you my address?"

"Just the address."

"I'll be waiting." Bo murmured and Lauren knew that she remembered as well. All those nights in law school, all those promised times, never once missed. Lauren knew that these were their parting words as well, confirmed by the characteristic click of the line disconnecting from Bo's end. Not even a minute later her phone vibrated once, showing a text message with an address in Brooklyn. The sight seemed to set Lauren in motion. She was into her light black coat and out the door in no time, hailing a cab and barely relaxing after she had given the cabbie the address. New York City wasn't the city that never slept for no reason after all and so even at this ungodly hour it was slow going, taking them almost forty minutes to get to Bo's place. It took so long Lauren had even spaced out a bit and so she nearly jumped when the cabbie announced in a thick accent "We're here." In a hurry she paid and tipped him handsomely, jumping out of the car to find herself standing in front of a an old brownstone, the telltale yellow Camaro with its black racing stripes parked in front some twenty feet away from her. Somehow it surprised Lauren that Bo still had the old muscle car but then again, this was Bo Dennis and some things never changed. Honestly, the blonde couldn't even picture her driving anything else, much less an expensive black Mercedes or something else people with her kind of paycheck usually liked to drive.

Walking up to the door, Lauren quickly found the small button that read 'Dennis' and she didn't even hesitate long like she usually would have. Guilt was her almost constant companion nowadays anyway, so this moment didn't feel worse than any other over the last weeks. The door buzzed seconds later and Lauren let herself in, the smell of the old but beautiful building engulfing her as she made her way up the stairs. On the fourth floor she found Bo already waiting for her, leaning in the doorframe in nothing more than a shimmering black silk kimono, slightly damp-looking hair tied up in a loose pony tail. It seemed that she had refused to drop another one of her habits over time, that of always walking around her apartment in a kimono of her choice, sometimes colorful with abstract shapes or flowers on them, then black or silver ones with barely an ornament. As a matter of personal preference, Lauren liked the simple ones better, they didn't draw too much attention, giving Bo's natural beauty more room to unfold like it did now. No makeup, no time-consuming hairdo but Bo was still just as ravishing as she always was and had been, maybe even more so.

Wordlessly, the brunette turned and walked back into her apartment, leaving the door open for Lauren to follow at her will and so she did, softly closing the door behind herself before looking around. Except from the layout and bare brick walls the blonde felt like she had been catapulted back in time. She was standing in a very short and narrow hallway, so short that it not even really qualified as one, opening up to a spacious living room barely six feet from the door. Of course, there were all the new extras their time brought with it for those who could afford it: a huge flatscreen on the wall across from her, an iPad neglected on the small glass coffee table right next to what was most likely Bo's work notebook. In the corner Lauren could see one of the speakers of a high-end wireless music system, spotting another on top of a small but well-stocked wooden liquor cabinet with glass doors. What caught her attention though, was the leather couch and chairs gathered around the coffee table. They looked exactly like the ones Bo had owned back at Yale, in fact, the whole place looked like someone had pressed copy and paste, just with a modern and more mature spin to it.

Bo chose that moment to walk back into the scene again, coming from the left where, Lauren assumed from the layout, there would be a live-in kitchen. The brunette was carrying two bulbous glasses of red wine, flashing her guest a cocky smile when she saw her still standing in coat and boots. "Make yourself at home." She said, leaning back against the side of the couch, somewhat sitting down on the armrest while she watched Lauren take off her coat, placing it on the wooden coat rack next to her, her boots right under it. When the blonde walked closer, still taking in her surroundings, Bo offered her one of the wine glasses which Lauren took with a small nod. Taking a sip, her brows lifted. "Hmm, fruity. What's that?" She asked and Bo smiled in response. "Pinotage. South African."

Lauren hummed approvingly before chuckling. "When did you go from whiskey to wine?" One could argue that Bo and Lauren didn't know each other all that well, after all they barely ever talked. Still, they had an understanding of the other that went beyond that and Lauren knew that Bo had always been a woman who preferred the harder stuff over a glass of wine any day. The brunette smiled along with her, her dimples fully showing for the first time that night. "I'm still partial to whiskey. Dyson was a wine enthusiast. Still is I guess and it rubbed off a bit."

The mention of Bo's former husband somehow put a damper on their mood. Foolishly, Lauren had thought that maybe they could actually hold a conversation this time but their situation was again omnipresent now, practically suffocating the blonde with the resurfacing memory of why she came here. Bo pushed off the leather armrest of the couch, and, after taking another sip, took hers and Lauren's wine glass over to the glass coffee table. She turned, looking at Lauren in that dark, predatory way of hers as she came closer again, coming to stand right in front of the blonde who was watching her with baited breath. "Who were you with before?" Lauren suddenly asked but Bo didn't stop, her arms snaking around the blonde's waist. "Nobody. It doesn't matter." She murmured, her mouth slowly closing over Lauren's, making her gasp and take in a Bo-scented breath that drove her heart right out of her chest.

"That couch.." She started, needing to know and Bo understood. "One and the same." She said and that was all Lauren needed, her hands going into still slightly damp chocolate tresses, pulling Bo tight against her as they kissed in earnest this time. The brunette took a few steps backwards and pulled the blonde with her, head tilting from side to side to keep up with the wild kiss. They moved until suddenly they were falling onto something cold but soft, creaking as their combined weight hit its surface. Lauren pulled back to find herself on top of her lover, hands digging deep into the black leather cushioning under Bo's head to hold herself up. "For old time's sake." The brunette smirked before she pulled Lauren flush against her again and the blonde lost herself in Bo's mouth, the guilt washed away like it had never existed, like nothing else ever existed except for Bo and her.

...

They developed a rhythm over the following months that quickly turned into more than a year. Whenever Nadia was away on a business trip Lauren spent at least one of the nights at Bo's apartment. It was usually on weekends so they wouldn't have to worry about work and could sleep in after sleepless hours in bed together. Bo made them brunch and they would always eat in nearly unbroken silence because the days right after she caved again were always the hardest for Lauren. Just because she had developed a rhythm of sleeping with Bo whenever Nadia's schedule permitted her to didn't mean she was ok with it, that she had accepted it like her lover seemed and claimed to have. Quite the opposite in fact. When Christmas came and went, Nadia being home for over a month it got better, Lauren feeling like she was herself again, far away from the woman who craved for a touch that wasn't her wife's. It was then that she believed she could maybe be free again if Nadia only stayed for longer. She didn't, though. Shortly after new year's eve she had to leave again, for Australia this time. They made love for hours before they had to leave for the airport but her wife's touch hadn't even fully faded from her muscles when she caved again, calling Bo almost as soon as she came home from the airport. "I need you. I need you now." She cried as tears streamed down her cheeks and Bo answered calmly "I know. I'll be waiting."

Somehow Lauren knew she had reached her breaking point when she moaned in pure pleasure that night, tears still running down the sides of her face as Bo thrust into her over and over again, hitting all the right spots. She threw her head back as her tears finally subsided, screaming the brunette's name into the darkness of the apartment while her body arched off the bed. Spent from the past hours with the blonde, Bo climbed off of her, wrapping a strong arm securely around Lauren's middle from behind and holding her tightly while the blonde cried without tears. She had no more to give, Lauren knew, even if she needed them desperately.

The next day at brunch Lauren could barely eat, the fact that Bo had become a quite decent cook over the time they had spent eating together not helping matters at all. Her hands shook and she spilled her orange juice all over the bacon when she reached for it. Bo took it all in wordlessly, standing to get a cloth then cleaning up the mess her lover had made. She didn't try to comfort Lauren and the blonde was thankful. She had tried once before and it hadn't ended pretty, rather in crying screams and a furiously growling Bo. It seemed their kind of chemistry didn't allow for much tenderness or care, for no feelings at all but lust and the all-consuming need they found themselves helplessly trapped in. If Lauren's state of falling apart hurt Bo in some way, she never consciously showed it. Only her eyes sometimes betrayed a hint of pain when Lauren would come to her tired-looking and sometimes even drunk just to get through with what she so desperately longed for.

Bo was quiet when Lauren's phone rang one day and the blonde picked up to have a short conversation with her wife. She became a whole other person, like the poison was being drained from her body and she laughed and smiled over at Bo who just sat there, looking at the scrambled eggs on her plate like they were the world's greatest mystery. Lauren knew she didn't show it, or tried not to but she could feel how their situation stabbed at Bo's heart as well. Bo was wild, loud and proud, adventurous and exciting as much as she was arrogant and condescending but below it all, Lauren knew, the brunette had never wanted to hurt her. It gave her comfort, but only so much. She knew this had to end one way or the other, she would go completely crazy otherwise. It was hard enough to keep Nadia from noticing anything by now and if she ever found out it would be the end of Lauren. So for once, the blonde decided to take Bo's advice, though not like the brunette had probably wanted her to: she would let faith decide.

It was a snowy mid-February afternoon when Lauren called Bo again. "I need you." She whispered, without tears this time. "I'll be waiting." the brunette answered and so Lauren made her way from Central Park to Brooklyn, opting to walk for once in the city that never slept. It took her over two hours but she arrived, gloved hands buried deep in the pockets of her thick beige winter coat. She was cold, her cheeks a burning red, the cool metal she had stuck into the waistband of her pants before she left home warm by now, hot like the blood pumping through her veins. _"One of the best on the market. Pricy of course but won't ever fail ya."_ the man in the shop had said and Lauren hoped he was right and worth the good money she paid.

As always, she didn't hesitate to press the little button at the side of the door, fumbling with her gloves a bit to hit it while trying not to slip to another one as well. Bo was waiting for her upstairs. It was earlier than usual and so the brunette was still in her tailored dress pants and blouse when she opened the door. "I thought you weren't going to show." She greeted her as the door closed behind them and Lauren smiled. "I felt like walking today, it's a beautiful day."

"It's cold." Bo answered simply, raising an eyebrow. Yes, Lauren thought, living in LA for a few years completely ruined everyone for the wonders winter had to offer. "Beautiful, though." She insisted, turning her head to look out the windows of the old brownstone, seeing the last sun of the short winter day flood into Bo's apartment, painting it golden. "Yes." The brunette relented, smiling as Lauren slipped out of her scarf and coat to reveal a thick dark blue turtleneck, a bit baggier than usual for the blonde. "You are." She added in a rare moment of tenderness, studying Lauren closely. She looked better, much better in fact than the last few times she had seen her, at work or otherwise. The blonde laughed her off, a beautiful sound, rich and full. "You can be so charming." She said and they fell into a comfortable silence. Instead of a glass of wine Bo this time offered her a cup of black tea which Lauren accepted gratefully, taking a healthy sip and cradling the mug in her hands to warm them back up. They sat next to each other on the couch and strangely, Lauren was very at ease with herself. She knew she had made a decision to hand herself over to faith but she didn't think that doing so would be this easy. Her heart was lighter than it had been in years even thought it now faced potential doom more directly than ever. Still, her greatest concern was not to lean to far back and cause the metal hiding in the back of her waistband to shift, possibly alerting Bo to its presence. No, she would do this the right way, she vowed.

It was unusually long- they had gone through the whole pot of tea already- before Bo made her move this time. Their teacups were cold and empty, long forgotten on the table in front of them when Bo shifted, sliding to straddle Lauren on the couch. Their kiss started slow, the underlining desire slowly flowing into it until Bo bit the blonde's lips playfully, their mouths opening and tongues tangling. Lauren began kissing down her lover's neck, nibbling on her pulse point and feeling how the heart beat strongly under her touch. So full of life, she thought. Soon they were both panting heavily and when finally Bo pulled back her eyes were hooded and dark with barely checked desire. "To bed." She growled, kissing Lauren hungrily before she tried to get up from the blonde's lap but found arms wrapped securely around her, trapping her against Lauren's warm body instead.

"Wait a second." The blonde insisted under Bo's burning gaze. "I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes." She whispered and the brunette tried to move again, tried to stand and pull Lauren with her but she was still trapped. They stared each other down for a few moments, both trying to overpower the other's will and so finally, Bo relented. "This better be good." She growled, closing her eyes slowly, one hand still tangled in blonde tresses.

"It will be." Lauren assured her lover and, when she was absolutely sure Bo wasn't trying to peek she slowly slid her hand around her own back, reaching for the hem of her turtleneck and pulling it up to wrap around a wooden handle, warm from her body heat like the metallic rest. She pulled it free, reaching around Bo with both hands now, she would need them. She kissed the brunette's pulse point again, making peace, just in case. She turned the small device in her hands, knowing it would worsen the odds for them both but it was what she wanted. There was a metallic rattling as Lauren spun the cylinder with her left hand and Bo perked up but she still didn't open her eyes. The blonde soothed her with languid kisses up the column of her throat, stopping right below her ear. Quickly now, she brought her hand around to where she wanted it, her fingers finding their grip where they should, her index shaking as it curved around the small lever. Bringing her free hand to Bo's throat she pressed it upwards, a rough kiss to the chin making the brunette moan before her breath hitched as she felt the hard metal pressing into its underside. Maybe, Lauren thought, Bo didn't immediately realize what was happening. After all, who expects a gun put to their throat in the middle of foreplay but when the blonde cranked the hammer back with her thumb Bo's eyes shot open and she shuddered, realization flashing over her face like a storm cloud. She tried to chuckle but it only resulted in a nervous squeak. "Lauren." She got out as she started to shake violently. Mortal fear, Lauren knew.

For a moment she allowed herself to look at Bo, really look at her. The dark eyes, rimmed with even darker makeup, the soft and beautiful lines of her face down to her quivering mouth, nostrils widened because she was close to hyperventilating. Lauren didn't have much time. "Why?" Bo croaked out, the first tears starting to form in her eyes. The blonde only smiled as she leaned back into the couch. She could now, the revolver was in her hand, against Bo's throat, where it should be. "You should be happy. I am finally taking your advice. I will let faith decide for me, for us."

Bo was still shaking but she managed to focus her eyes on Lauren, her brows furrowing as she struggled to understand. "Have you ever heard of Russian Roulette, Bo?" Lauren asked and as soon as her words registered, the first tear fell from Bo's eyes as she started breathing irregularly, body jerking with the natural instinct to flee while her muscles refused to respond. Lauren tilted her head downwards, kissing her softly as she cooed "Shhhh." She pulled back, smiling. "We're not playing it the usual way, no need to worry. I'll just pull the trigger once and then I'll know if I can continue this with you."

Bo's chest heaved as tears poured from her eyes. "No, Lauren, please. Please. I'll disappear from your life, you'll never see me again!" Her face contorted in pain. _"Please." _She whispered desperately. Lauren shook her head, though. "But we both know it won't work. I need you just as much as you need me. You were right. I wanted to make you the villain but you're not." Her hand tightened around the handle of the revolver and Bo flinched, her eyes closing as if they could block out the inevitable. "I.. I just can't take it anymore. I need to know if I'm supposed to be this way."

"There's other ways." Bo whispered, the desperation in her voice growing by the second. Their eyes met again and for a moment, Lauren was confused, thinking about what the brunette had said. Then she realized. "You're right." She said and Bo's eyes widened as she felt the barrel of the revolver removed from her throat. She looked at Lauren who was staring at the gun in her hand and wanted to scramble back, wanted to pull it from the blonde's grasp and throw it out the window but she couldn't because, seconds later, Lauren was pressing the barrel to her own throat, the metal now cooling again from the temperature in the room. Lauren thought it was a strange sensation, knowing that the piece of metal and wood in her hand could bring death with the flick of a finger. "No, Lauren!" Bo yelped, surging forward to pull the gun from her lover but the look in the blonde's eyes seemed to hold her back. Lauren's finger was quivering again.

Suddenly, something changed in Bo's eyes, a darkness that Lauren hadn't seen before flooding her face. Slowly, she reached up to cup the hand that was holding the revolver, pulling it away and then up as Bo herself bent forward. Somehow, the blonde knew her lover wouldn't stop her but would hold her hand trough it. When their heads were next to each other Bo whispered "It all started on this couch, it will end here or go on forever." Her hand around Lauren's tightened as the blonde felt her lover lift the gun to her own head. It would now kill them both if the one bullet that was in the cylinder happened to be at the top right now. "Together." Bo said, her finger sliding in front of Lauren's that was still on the trigger, the small lever already pushed back a bit from the pressure of both their hands.

"Bo." Lauren suddenly remembered and time seemed to stand still. The golden-orange glow of the setting sun all around them, the dread of death staring her straight in the eyes. "Yes, Sweetheart?" Bo asked softly and through it all, it made Lauren smile. "I held the gun upside down when I spun the cylinder. Usually, when you play Russian Roulette the odds are always more in your favor because the bullet makes the one loaded chamber heavier, making it more likely to land somewhere at the bottom, not where the barrel is." She felt Bo take a deep breath and knew she understood. They were silent for a few more moments. "Together." Lauren finally agreed and all her muscles tightened as did Bo's finger on her own above the trigger. _Click._

.

.

.

Nothing. The hammer had swung back and hit nothing. Bo took a deep breath first, her body shuddering alive as their joined hands with the gun in them lowered. Lauren's lungs filled with much-needed air as she inhaled deeply, every cell inside of her coming alive with a never-felt electricity but also with a feeling of completeness. She had asked faith to show her the way and it did.

Bo pulled back only to crash their lips together moments later. There it was again, Lauren thought. That feeling of freedom she always had with Bo, just that it wasn't polluted with guilt anymore. Oh the guilt was still there, but not as bad or all-consuming as before. She finally knew what Bo meant whenever she talked about accepting her faith. She moaned when Bo stood and pulled her into strong arms, carrying her to her bedroom as the revolver fell to the floor with a loud clattering sound. It would never be easy, Lauren knew, but it would be easier from now on. She didn't know exactly why this extreme had been necessary, only that it had. And so, Lauren Lewis, successful defense attorney and loving wife of Nadia Lewis, famous photographer, kept living her seemingly picture-perfect life. No one could and would know where she went on dark evenings when she was alone, because those were the nights she became one with Bo Dennis again, fighting and growling at the other before they landed in bed with each other, heaving and moaning until dawn made them break apart again. The guilt still nagged at her and sometimes it was unbearable but then, when Nadia left, she would become Bo's again, the silver and brown revolver still placed on top of the brunette beauty's liquor cabinet to always remind them of that one faithful day. Nobody had touched the revolving cylinder since that day and no one ever would, so it just laid there, the one bullet it still harbored lined up with the barrel perfectly, ready to release its deadly power. After all, it had automatically sprung to the next chamber when Bo and Lauren had pulled the trigger.

**Fin.**


End file.
